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| #10721 | | Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A: There's a footprint in the mayo.
Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's two footprints in the mayo.
Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: The door won't shut.
Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.
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| #10722 | | Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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| #10723 | | Q: How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the shit work for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
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| #10724 | | Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We'll fix it in software.
Q: How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The application can work around it.
Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We'll document it in the manual.
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The user can figure it out.
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| #10725 | | Q: How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
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| #10726 | | Q: How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A: Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
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| #10727 | | Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
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| #10728 | | Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
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| #10729 | | Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb-assassin to break
the bulb in the first place.
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| #10730 | | Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
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