 fortune index all fortunes
| | #4001 | | flannister, n.:
The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer together.
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
| | | #4002 | | Flon's Law:
There is not now, and never will be, a language in
which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
| | | #4003 | | flowchart, n. & v.:
[From flow "to ripple down in rich profusion, as hair" + chart
"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni construction
problems in which given algorithms require geometrical representation
using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI template. 2. n. Neronic
doodling while the system burns. 3. n. A low-cost substitute for
wallpaper. 4. n. The innumerate misleading the illiterate. "A
thousand pictures is worth ten lines of code." -- The Programmer's
Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps. 5. v.intrans. To produce
flowcharts with no particular object in mind. 6. v.trans. To obfuscate
(a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
| | | #4004 | | Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize
that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
| | | #4005 | | Fog Lamps, n.:
Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the fronts
of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
driver's brain is in a fog. See also "Idiot Lights".
| | | #4006 | | Foolproof Operation:
No provision for adjustment.
| | | #4007 | | Forecast, n.:
A prediction of the future, based on the past, for
which the forecaster demands payment in the present.
| | | #4008 | | Forgetfulness, n.:
A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for
their destitution of conscience.
| | | #4009 | | FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN: #1
skilled oral communicator:
Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak. Talks to self.
Argues with self. Loses these arguments.
skilled written communicator:
Scribbles well. Memos are invariable illegible, except for
the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.
growth potential:
With proper guidance, periodic counselling, and remedial training,
the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.
key company figure:
Serves as the perfect counter example.
| | | #4010 | | FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN: #4
consistent:
Reviewee hasn't gotten anything right yet, and it is anticipated
that this pattern will continue throughout the coming year.
an excellent sounding board:
Present reviewee with any number of alternatives, and implement
them in the order precisely opposite of his/her specification.
a planner and organizer:
Usually manages to put on socks before shoes. Can match the
animal tags on his clothing.
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