 fortune index all fortunes
| | #5081 | | Do you know the difference between a yankee and a damyankee?
A yankee comes south to *_____visit*.
| | | #5082 | | Eli and Bessie went to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Bessie nudged Eli.
"Please be so kindly and close the window. It's cold outside!"
Half asleep, Eli murmured,
"Nu ... so if I'll close the window, will it be warm outside?"
| | | #5083 | | Five people -- an Englishman, Russian, American, Frenchman and Irishman
were each asked to write a book on elephants. Some amount of time later they
had all completed their respective books. The Englishman's book was entitled
"The Elephant -- How to Collect Them", the Russian's "The Elephant -- Vol. I",
the American's "The Elephant -- How to Make Money from Them", the Frenchman's
"The Elephant -- Its Mating Habits" and the Irishman's "The Elephant and
Irish Political History".
| | | #5084 | | For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
"Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.
-- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
| | | #5085 | | Fortune presents:
USEFUL PHRASES IN ESPERANTO, #1.
^Cu vi parolas angle? Do you speak English?
Mi ne komprenas. I don't understand.
Vi estas la sola esperantisto kiun mi You're the only Esperanto speaker
renkontas. I've met.
La ^ceko estas enpo^stigita. The check is in the mail.
Oni ne povas, ^gin netrovi. You can't miss it.
Mi nur rigardadas. I'm just looking around.
Nu, ^sajnis bona ideo. Well, it seemed like a good idea.
| | | #5086 | | Fortune presents:
USEFUL PHRASES IN ESPERANTO, #2.
^Cu tiu loko estas okupita? Is this seat taken?
^Cu vi ofte venas ^ci-tien? Do you come here often?
^Cu mi povas havi via telelonnumeron? May I have your phone number?
Mi estas komputilisto. I work with computers.
Mi legas multe da scienca fikcio. I read a lot of science fiction.
^Cu necesas ke vi eliras? Do you really have to be going?
| | | #5087 | | Fortune presents:
USEFUL PHRASES IN ESPERANTO, #5.
Mi ^cevalovipus vin se mi havus I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
^cevalon.
Vere vi ^sercas. You must be kidding.
Nu, parDOOOOOnu min! Well exCUUUUUSE me!
Kiu invitis vin? Who invited you?
Kion vi diris pri mia patrino? What did you say about my mother?
Bu^so^stopu min per kulero. Gag me with a spoon.
| | | #5088 | | Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep".
Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the
harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference:
"Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling."
Obvious, isn't it?
Clearly the best thing you can do for you children is to start
speaking Yiddish right now and never speak another word of English as
long as you live. This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all
your friends, business associates, the people at the supermarket, and
so on, but that's just the point. It has to start with committed
individuals and then grow....
Some minor adjustments will have to be made, of course: those
signs written in what look like Yiddish letters won't be funny when
everything is written in Yiddish. And we'll have to start driving on
the left side of the road so we won't be reading the street signs
backwards. But is that too high a price to pay for world peace?
I think not, my friend, I think not.
-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
| | | #5089 | | "Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore."
| | | #5090 | | "God gives burdens; also shoulders"
Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the
end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I
can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why
would he lie about a thing like that?
-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
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