 |
| #5911 | | I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet,
so I took his shoes.
-- Dave Barry
|
|
| #5912 | | I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
it's going to be up all night.
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5913 | | I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I
open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call. One day I dropped the
box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. I had to get
it disconnected. So I got a new phone. I didn't have much money, so I
had to get an irregular. It doesn't have a five. I ran into a friend
of mine on the street the other day. He said why don't you give me a
call. I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone
doesn't have a five. He asked how long had it been that way. I said I
didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens.
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5914 | | I have a dog; I named him Stay. So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here,
Stay, here..." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me
and just keeps on typing.
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5915 | | I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's notes. When
I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I...
I just... to make a long story short..."
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5916 | | I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep
it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5917 | | I have a map of the United States. It's actual size. I spent last summer
folding it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5918 | | I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
-- Richard Diran
|
|
| #5919 | | I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once
in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I
got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5920 | | I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
-- Steven Wright
|
|
|
| ... ... |
