HomeTilesDesktopsGamesRegisterFAQLinks
Login:
Password:

BGA fortune cookies :: ALL
fortune index   all fortunes

#5961I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx
#5962If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would
have made them cute and furry.
-- Dave Barry
#5963If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat?
-- Woody Allen
#5964If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
#5965If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few
people die past the age of a hundred.
-- George Burns
#5966If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would be
to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call you to
say they had a nice time. Now you'll be be expected to throw another party
next year.
What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake
up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been
indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a
recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their
own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one ...
If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door,
unless your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
through your living room window. As host, your job is to make sure that
they don't arrest anybody. Or if they're dead set on arresting someone,
your job is to make sure it isn't you ...
-- Dave Barry
#5967If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
-- Woody Allen
#5968If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
-- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"
#5969In America today ... we have Woody Allen, whose humor has become so
sophisticated that nobody gets it any more except Mia Farrow. All those who
think Mia Farrow should go back to making movies where the devil gets her
pregnant and Woody Allen should go back to dressing up as a human sperm,
please raise your hands. Thank you.
-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
#5970In like a dimwit, out like a light.
-- Pogo
  prev   1 ... 591 592 593 594 595 596   597   598 599 600 ... 1097   next  


art   computers   cookie   definitions   education   ethnic   food   fortunes   humorists   kids   law   literature   love   medicine   men-women   news   paradoxum   people   pets   platitudes   politics   riddles   science   sports   wisdom   work  

User Functions
You're not logged in! If you don't have an account yet, please register one and get your very own elite (but free) BGA account!
Backgrounds
Animals
Artistic
Aviation
Cars and Bikes
Cartoons
Celebs (female)
Celebs (male)
Cities
Countries
Digital
Food and Drinks
History
Misc
Movies and TV
Music
Nature
People
Seascape
Space
Spiritual
Sports
Search keywords:
Detailed view
Top Backgrounds
link to BGA - contact us
fortunes - donate - advertise
Terms of Service