 fortune index all fortunes
| | #6511 | | Let me take you a button-hole lower.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
| | | #6512 | | Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be
sorry.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
| | | #6513 | | Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner
The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up
It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up
Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.
| | | #6514 | | Lord, what fools these mortals be!
-- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream"
| | | #6515 | | Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
-- Mark Twain
| | | #6516 | | Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't
understand his own meaning.
-- George D. Prentice
| | | #6517 | | Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is
weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and
weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists,
but he sings about his gingivectomist, he dreams about a single cosmologist,
he thinks about his dog. The dog is named Herbert.
-- Racter, "The Policeman's Beard is Half-Constructed"
| | | #6518 | | Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket Bibles which are on very
very thin paper.
| | | #6519 | | Many pages make a thick book.
| | | #6520 | | Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is
particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself,
to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands
shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit
me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
-- Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol"
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