 fortune index all fortunes
| | #6821 | | Death has been proven to be 99% fatal in laboratory rats.
| | | #6822 | | Dental health is next to mental health.
| | | #6823 | | Ever notice that the word "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist"?
Simple coincidence?
Maybe...
| | | #6824 | | For my son, Robert, this is proving to be the high-point of his entire life
to date. He has had his pajamas on for two, maybe three days now. He has
the sense of joyful independence a 5-year-old child gets when he suddenly
realizes that he could be operating an acetylene torch in the coat closet
and neither parent [because of the flu] would have the strength to object.
He has been foraging for his own food, which means his diet consists
entirely of "food" substances which are advertised only on Saturday-morning
cartoon shows; substances that are the color of jukebox lights and that, for
legal reasons, have their names spelled wrong, as in New Creemy
Chok-'n'-Cheez Lumps o' Froot ("part of this complete breakfast").
-- Dave Barry, "Molecular Homicide"
| | | #6825 | | Fortune's Exercising Truths:
1: Richard Simmons gets paid to exercise like a lunatic. You don't.
2. Aerobic exercises stimulate and speed up the heart. So do heart attacks.
3. Exercising around small children can scar them emotionally for life.
4. Sweating like a pig and gasping for breath is not refreshing.
5. No matter what anyone tells you, isometric exercises cannot be done
quietly at your desk at work. People will suspect manic tendencies as
you twitter around in your chair.
6. Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys mosts is tripping joggers.
7. Locking four people in a tiny, cement-walled room so they can run around
for an hour smashing a little rubber ball -- and each other -- with a hard
racket should immediately be recognized for what it is: a form of insanity.
8. Fifty push-ups, followed by thirty sit-ups, followed by ten chin-ups,
followed by one throw-up.
9. Any activity that can't be done while smoking should be avoided.
| | | #6826 | | [From an announcement of a congress of the International Ontopsychology
Association, in Rome]:
The Ontopsychological school, availing itself of new research criteria and
of a new telematic epistemology, maintains that social modes do not spring
from dialectics of territory or of class, or of consumer goods, or of means
of power, but rather from dynamic latencies capillarized in millions of
individuals in system functions which, once they have reached the event
maturation, burst forth in catastrophic phenomenology engaging a suitable
stereotype protagonist or duty marionette (general, president, political
party, etc.) to consummate the act of social schizophrenia in mass genocide.
| | | #6827 | | God is dead and I don't feel all too well either....
-- Ralph Moonen
| | | #6828 | | "Good health" is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
| | | #6829 | | Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman
| | | #6830 | | Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
| | | | ... ... |
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