 fortune index all fortunes
| | #7001 | | Darling: the popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the
opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.
-- Oliver Herford
| | | #7002 | | Dear Miss Manners:
I carry a big black umbrella, even if there's just a thirty percent chance of
rain. May I ask a young lady who is a stranger to me to share its protection?
This morning, I was waiting for a bus in comparative comfort, my umbrella
protecting me from the downpour, and noticed an attractive young woman getting
soaked. I have often seen her at my bus stop, although we have never spoken,
and I don't even know her name. Could I have asked her to get under my
umbrella without seeming insulting?
Gentle Reader:
Certainly. Consideration for those less fortunate than you is always proper,
although it would be more convincing if you stopped babbling about how
attractive she is. In order not to give Good Samaritanism a bad name, Miss
Manners asks you to allow her two or three rainy days of unmolested protection
before making your attack.
| | | #7003 | | Dear Miss Manners:
Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's saliva from your face.
Gentle Reader:
Please list some decent ways of acquiring a man's saliva on your face. If
the gentleman sprayed you inadvertently to accompany enthusiastic
discourse, you may step back two paces, bring out your handkerchief, and
go through the motions of wiping your nose, while trailing the cloth along
your face to pick up whatever needs mopping along the route. If, however,
the substance was acquired as a result of enthusiasm of a more intimate
nature, you may delicately retrieve it with a flick of your pink tongue.
| | | #7004 | | Do not permit a woman to ask forgiveness, for that is only the first
step. The second is justification of herself by accusation of you.
-- DeGourmont
| | | #7005 | | Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long
together if ever we had been married?
| | | #7006 | | Don't assume that every sad-eyed woman has loved and lost -- she may
have got him.
| | | #7007 | | Don't know what time I'll be back, Mom. Probably soon after she throws me out.
| | | #7008 | | Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
-- Scottish Proverb
| | | #7009 | | Dull women have immaculate homes.
| | | #7010 | | During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet
luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second
helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?"
"Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for
white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely.
The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from
her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if
you would pin this on your white meat."
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